I live here! WTH?!

Note to Self!!

Strange man in house is not strange man… it is your son, home from Germany! Screaming as you round the corner from the dining room to the kitchen – when you see someone snooping in the refrigerator – gives not only your own heart a jolt, but your teenage son’s as well. (Interestingly enough sons can jump straight up, like a startled cat from a still point, all while holding the refrigerator door open and not dropping the yogurt…) (They also scream… like girls… and then get angry… and then confused… not knowing whether to lambaste or laugh at the woman still holding her chest from the fright.) (I am glad he chose the latter. My heart was already being tested.) 

Seeing the look on his face was priceless. Yes, I was scared – but clearly, so was he. Which doesn’t usually happen… so – of course – as soon as I realized I was not in danger, after relief had a chance to ease the adrenaline rush, and the acknowledgement that I probably scared him more than myself… I found it hysterical. 

It is odd to think that I have actually gotten used to not having Alex in the house. (Hope I get re-used to it quickly, lest my heart take the wrong kind of beating.)

I couldn’t stop laughing at the look on his face, as he loudly reminded me, “I live here!!?!!” I’m just glad he wasn’t in the knife drawer… (Honey, maybe you should stay away from those until I get reacquainted with you being home.)

‘Startle occasions’ began flashing back. Like the time Frank snuck up on me while I was doing laundry. (He claims he wasn’t sneaking…) (Oh please… with his big feet and my crazy hearing, how could he not be… ) {lol – he wasn’t} I screamed. Grabbed my heart from the jolt. He screamed. Grabbed his heart from the jolt. We argued about who exactly was trying to scare whoand broke into fits of laughter. 

Or the time Charlee stood in the bathroom doing her hair – when I thought she was in her bedroom. I opened the door, and startled her so much that her whole body quivered. Untangling the comb added to her frustration and racing heart. To me, at that moment, she resembled a horse, quivering their skin in an attempt to shake off offending flies. Only instead of just one area jiggling, her entire body shuddered. Yes, I laughed… (Yes, I know. She’s vying nursing home options…) Keep in mind I was headed to the bathroom for a reason. A reason that became quite a pressing issue as I giggled. 

This isn’t the first time the bathroom set the stage for a fright… The kids are older now, so the door gets locked. However, in their younger days, that was not an option. I suppose this would have saved Charlee on several occasions. For sure it would have saved Alex. Poor kid was standing in front of the potty, when I walked in and startled him. He jumped mid-stream, and pee’d all over the bathroom. (What is up with guys not being able to stop mid-pee?) It was as if he was franticly scribbling ‘HOLY CRAP’ in the snow – only there was no snow… there was the toilet seat, the floor, the shower doors, the vanity… I didn’t know whether to yell or laugh – so I did bothwhich confused the heck out of him. Turning to chastise his crazy mother, he did not pay attention to the fact that his body parts followed where his head turned. I saw my feet becoming the next target and composed myself just enough to order him to, “Focus on the potty. Alex the potty!” I think this is where his male mumbling began. He grumbled about the experience to his father, wondering if he has ever suffered through such an event. (For some reason Frank had no sympathy for him.)

I cleaned the bathroom chuckling. (Probably the only time ever. Seriously, who laughs while cleaning a bathroom?) Alex forgave me for that episode – actually, he didn’t even remember it. I told him about it after this recent strange-man-in-the-refrigerator scare refreshed the memory. He shook his head at the-things-he-had-to-put-up-with

As for the rest of the day – I made sure to pay close attention and remind myself that he was home. It helped that every time he rounded a corner, he announced – loud and abruptly, “I’M ENTERING THE ROOM!”

Rotten kid – as if my daily life isn’t Stress Test-ed enough.

2 comments on “I live here! WTH?!

  1. Jeab Fenton

    I love stopping by to read your words. Stay well.

    1. Nancy

      Thank you so much Jean! It means a lot, truly. XO

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